community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
