Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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