he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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