Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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