it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
