Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
