I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
