This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
