32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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