Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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