Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
