On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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