i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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