I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
