I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
