she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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