Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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