girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
