u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
