Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
