..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
