I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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