He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
