my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
