i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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