$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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