I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
