Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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