2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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