can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
