she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
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Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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