my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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