Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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