theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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