I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
