Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
