she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
