You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
