I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
