I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
