Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
