just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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