Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
