I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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