And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
