I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
this hospital has no fireball
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
