I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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