a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
