At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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