how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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