I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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