Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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