Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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