Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need a beard to bite.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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