hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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