i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We were destined to go to rehab together
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
