i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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