Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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