omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
