I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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