I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
