Sry I called you an 8
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How does one acquire holy water?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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