All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
