I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
