You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
