just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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