Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
