When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
