He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
