I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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