So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
