good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
